Be Careful How You Console

I experienced the greatest pain of my life in the loss of my wife. I have mourned and I have grieved. At times, I continue to mourn and grieve. Loss is not something you “get over.” Instead, you must learn to live with it. Of course, the most intense time of struggle occurs in the weeks and months immediately after the loss.

When you experience the loss of a loved one, people try to console you through different means. Some hug, others talk, and still others sit with you in silence.

No matter the expression, all consolation falls into two categories: 1) Consolation intending to support your mourning, 2) Consolation attempting to end your mourning. One approach assumes mourning is good while another assumes mourning is bad.

Biblically speaking, to mourn is not to lose hope. Further, to grieve is not to despair.

We must not confuse sorrow with a lack of faith. In fact, expressing our deepest emotions of pain can be a Christ-like activity.

John 11:35 reminds us that “Jesus Wept.” The overflow of His emotions demonstrated the love He had for his dear friend Lazarus (v. 36). But He did not lose hope or faith. On the contrary, He supplied a foretaste of our greatest hope –eternal life- in raising Lazarus from the dead.

In the same way, our mourning and grieving can be Christ exalting when it draws out a longing for the return of Christ and the consummation of His kingdom. The bitter pain in our hearts can serve to whet our appetite for eternity. Perhaps that’s why Paul reminds believers that we do not grieve as those who “have no hope” (I Thess. 4:13). Likewise, Jesus ascribes blessing to “those who mourn” (Matthew 5:4).

What we must avoid, however, is allowing our circumstances to numb our affections for Christ’s return and thus cause our faith to decrease. Perhaps that is what Martha was experiencing in the loss of her beloved Lazarus. When mourning turns to despair, grieving souls must be reminded that, as Jesus told Martha, “if you believed you would see the glory of God” (John 11:40).

Then next time you approach someone experiencing loss, don’t attempt to end their mourning, rather help them redeem it. Here are some suggestions:

  • Show your support by mourning with them. Be present and be listening.
  • Don’t try to explain reasons for the loss. Instead, acknowledge and agree with the pain.
  • Point to the hope of Christ not only in the future, but in the present. He alone can fully empathize with our present pain.

Does God Want You To Take A Nap?

There are two things I do every day –no matter what: Wake up in the morning and go to sleep at night.

It’s a simple pattern common to just about everyone. So simple that we hardly think about it.

For some reason this morning I had a strange thought: sleep is a major form of faith.

Why? Because when you sleep, you release all control. You cease to be conscious, you cease to be on guard, you cease to be aware of your environment.

Ultimately, you are trusting that somehow you will wake up and everything will be okay after eight hours of total release.

While we may say that we trust in our alarm clocks to wake us up, the issue goes deeper. Alarm clocks can be disarmed by electrical blackouts. But we still keep waking up refreshed. How is that? Who is in charge?

Rest is a biblical picture of faith. When we rest we are completely depending upon God to provide all of our needs. Just like a sleeping baby completely depends upon their parent’s care, we completely trust God when we rest in Him. That’s why the Bible continuously reminds us to rest:

Psalm 37:7, Rest in the Lord

Isaiah 30:15, In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and in trust shall be your strength.

Matthew 11:28-29, Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Rest is a very spiritual thing. So important that God created the Sabbath for us to practice resting every week!

And while all of this talk may be causing you to crave a power-nap, the real issue is not physical rest (although that is biblically important as well), but spiritual rest. In fact, the writer of Hebrews actually tells us (paradoxically) to “strive to enter that rest” (Hebrews 4:11).

So tonight, before your head hits the pillow, just think about the faith you are exercising as you turn over complete control to him during your sleep.

But more importantly, when you wake up, resist the urge to take back control. Instead, strive to rest in the Lord by faith all day long.

Don’t Be Dupid

I kept hearing the same tune over and over again. It wasn’t stuck in my head. No, it was stuck in my back yard.

My son Bryce was playing and reciting some juvenile schoolyard chant. I listened closely to catch what he was saying.

“Boys go to college to get more knowledge, girls go to Jupiter to get more dupider.”

Assuming I heard him wrong, I walked out the back door and asked him to recite the rhyme again.

With a mischievous smile on his face, he said, ““Boys go to college to get more knowledge, girls go to Jupiter to get more dupider.”

“Dupider? Did you say Dupider?”

“Yeah, dad,” Bryce said. “My teacher won’t let us say stupid, so I changed it to dupid. It’s nicer that way.”

I was impressed with my son’s creative editing skills. At the same time, I sensed he was missing the heart of the issue.

Using more acceptable words does not necessarily make communication nicer. Disguising jealousy, rudeness, anger or pride with the covering of socially domesticated language does not remove the intent or motive behind the words.

In Ephesians 4:29, the apostle Paul calls upon believers to, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”

I’ve heard many sermons citing this passage as a prohibition on using profanity. Certainly, this is a part of Paul’s message –but only a part. The idea of “corrupting talk” is any form of communication that is meant to harm, put down, humiliate, or discredit another person. That’s why Paul says that we should only speak what is “good for building up… that it may give grace to those who hear.”

A person can employ corrupting talk without ever using a “bad word.” That includes:

  • Putting a co-worker “in his place.”
  • Unleashing work-related stress verbally on a child.
  • Gossiping about a friend.

While we have to be mindful of our words, we must also be mindful of our intentions. Because ignoring the motives of our communication is just plain dupid.

Was Jesus “Cliquish?”

The question has been asked, “Won’t small groups create cliques that will divide our Church?” Great question.

In Mark 3:13-19, Jesus is followed by a large crowd of people all vying for his attention. The Bible says that He healed many, before eventually pushing away from the crowd. (That’s right, even Jesus got away to rest occasionally).

While heading up the mountain to get away, Jesus does something interesting:

And he went up on the mountain and called to him those whom he desired, and they came to him. And he appointed twelve (whom he also named apostles) so that they might be with him and he might send them out to preach and have authority to cast out demons. He appointed the twelve: Simon (to whom he gave the name Peter); James the son of Zebedee and John the brother of James (to whom he gave the name Boanerges, that is, Sons of Thunder); Andrew, and Philip, and Bartholomew, and Matthew, and Thomas, and James the son of Alphaeus, and Thaddaeus, and Simon the Cananaean, and Judas Iscariot, who betrayed him.

Here is the point in Christ’s ministry where He separated the twelve from the rest of the crowd. He called them out to be His “small group.” They would spend concentrated time together training and preparing for ministry.
Put another way, Jesus started His own clique. There, I said it. But before you call me a heretic, let’s define “clique.”

Usually we use the word “clique” with a negative connotation. But a clique is simply a group of people who spend time together.

Cliques, like most other things, can be good or bad. Cliques that are inward focused and never reach out to others are bad –especially when they consider themselves superior to others. Those kind of cliques deny the biblical concepts of unity in Christ.

But cliques which use their special fellowship as a launching pad for ministering to others (the way Jesus did with the twelve) are a great tool for the kingdom.

Imagine if Jesus had tried to give personal ministry training to each one of the hundreds who were following Him at this point. It would have been as chaotic as an elementary school trying to teach 100 students together at the same time instead of breaking them into classes.

Thank goodness Jesus doesn’t expect a handful of staff members to disciple hundreds at the same time. Instead, He gave us a clear pattern to follow as we fulfill the Great Commission: Reach a few in order to reach the world.

That’s the advantage of small groups. Just like Jesus, we are pulling people out of the crowd to practice ministering together and multiplying disciples around the world, then sending them out to start new “kingdom cliques” to do the same!

No More Business As Usual

Talking about the objective truth of Scripture is comfortable for me. I love a good discussion about how Jesus became the sacrifice for my sin or how my life should reflect the gospel.

But I have difficulty when the topic turns from objective truth to subjective experience. I tend to shy away from discussions about how close I am to God or how well I communicate in prayer.

I think my shyness regarding the subjective aspects of faith stem from a fear of being led by my feelings instead of being led by truth. This is a legitimate concern. After all, Scripture tells us, “The heart is deceitful above all things…” (Jer. 17:9)

But to say that because our feelings are unreliable, we must squelch any idea of a subjective relationship with God is a fallacy. In fact, to deny a subjective relationship with God is to deny the objective truth of Scripture.

That’s right; Scripture teaches that we are to have a relationship with God that goes beyond knowledge of truth. In John 14:23, Jesus states, “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.”

Wow! God promises to make his home with the believer who keeps His Word. He even says that He will pursue the relationship –and that it will be marked by love. This kind of language is reminiscent of the gracious love the prodigal son found when returning to His Father or the love described, “as a bridegroom rejoices over His bride, so will I rejoice over you.” (Isaiah 62:5)

God’s love relationship with us is so wonderful that if Scripture didn’t teach it, it would be hard to believe!

Often the Bible refers to this as the “presence of God,” or “God’s presence.” For instance:

  • In your presence there is fullness of joy. (Psalm 16:11)
  • Come into His presence with thanksgiving in your heart… (Psalm 95:2)
  • Cast me not away from your presence. (Psalm 51:11)

All of these verses point out a presence of God that goes beyond His omnipresence. It wouldn’t make sense to think otherwise. If there was fullness of joy in God’s omnipresence, everyone would be enjoying it. And by definition, you can’t “come into” or be “cast… away” from omnipresence!

Instead, Scripture states, “Draw near to God and he will draw near to you.” (James 4:8)

The presence of God is a personal relationship between God and the believer. So you can see how avoiding the subjective nature of our faith can be a big problem. It can leave us with a skewed picture of God and a life lacking intimacy with our Creator.

For instance, through the help of a counselor, I recently discovered this “subjective shyness” affecting my prayer life. I had been approaching my time with God more like a business meeting than a deep conversation. My prayers lacked intimacy, substance, and openness. I had to get beyond a business relationship!
In other words, I came to God like a parent at the dinner table who still had work on his mind. I was “there,” but I wasn’t really “there.”

Others affects of “subjective shyness” may include the urge to 1) prove yourself to God rather than rely upon His grace, 2) approach the Christian life as a painful duty rather than a wonderful delight, 3) assume that God has left you on your own without any encouragement or help.

So why have I been so afraid of the subjective? Because I didn’t want to go overboard with the subjective and fall into error. But the irony is that, by avoiding the subjective, I went overboard in the other direction –which is also error!

So here are a few helpful guidelines for finding a biblical balance:

  • If you believe that the presence of God is a substitute for time in God’s Word, you are in error. God’s presence does not lead us away from His Word. Instead, His Word leads us into His presence.
  • Further, if you believe that God has told you something that is contradictory to His Word, you are in error.
  • On the other hand, if you resist the idea of enjoying God, you are in error. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.—John 15:11
  • And if you feel that God loves you, but doesn’t really like you, you are in error. He literally delights in you! (Isaiah 62:5)

So go ahead, enjoy the presence of God in your life. I promise, it won’t be “business as usual.”

Consider a Coach for Your Church

For two years my son played tee-ball. This year, he graduated to pitching machine league. The transition was not easy.

To help Bryce make the adjustment, I took him to the batting cages where he could practice with a pitching machine. I bought some tokens to place in the machine, and Bryce stepped into the batter’s box. He swung and missed all ten pitches.

Before placing another coin in the machine, I walked into the batter’s box and began to coach Bryce on his stance and approach to hitting. Before I could utter one sentence, he said, “I got this dad.”

I knew he really needed help, but at the same time, I liked his confident spirit, so I backed off and placed another coin in the machine. Another ten pitches flew by without a hit.

After a few more tokens worth of pitches, I decided intervention was necessary. I stepped back into the batting cage with Bryce and gave him a few pointers.

Would you believe that he hit the very next pitch? In fact, he went 3 for 10 in the next series of pitches. Not great, but forward progress.

As I look back on the experience, it reminds me of the fact that an outside, objective viewpoint can be valuable. Many times, our own activity blinds us from seeing what is really happening. To continue the baseball metaphor, we are so busy swinging the bat, that we can’t see the problem with our stance, grip, or technique.

Churches are susceptible to this too. We get so deep in the trees of ministry that we can’t see the forest anymore. Our busyness and activities make unbiased, objective assessment impossible. We have too many blind spots.

Yesterday, I blogged about the importance of evaluating your church.

Today, I want to take it one step further and encourage you to consider periodically asking for an objective, outside opinion.

An outside opinion isn’t necessary all of the time. In fact, healthy churches should be in the practice of regular self-evaluation. However, from time to time, an outside perspective is very helpful –especially when facing difficult issues, lulls in outreach, seasons of apathy, etc. In the moments when you know something needs to change, but you can’t put your finger on the changes that’s needed, it’s time to bring in someone from the outside.

You may be wondering if it is biblical for a church to seek an outside opinion. To answer that question, I would encourage you to read the New Testament –particularly the letters Paul wrote to various churches. In effect, he was giving outside opinions and guidance to local congregations.

Don’t worry, I’m not suggesting that you need to spend vast amounts of money on a professional consultant. Although, I would encourage you to be selective in searching for the right person to help. There are many fellow pastors and leaders who have experience and training that will be advantageous to evaluation.

Remember, a coach doesn’t have to be a super-star (most NBA coaches never played professional basketball). Coaching, rather, requires skills of observation. Trust me, you would rather have a coach who takes the time to understand your church’s unique personality and calling than a superstar who jumps into “here’s how I did it.”

A good coach cares more about your church being all that Christ has called it to be and less about conforming your church to what the coach prefers. That’s why Paul treated different churches in different ways –always tailoring his message to each church’s context, members, opportunities, and needs.

So what about your church? Would some outside evaluation be helpful? Could a fresh set of eyes help your congregation discover solutions that are currently in your blind spot?

If you’ve spent time self-evaluating, but keep “striking out” when it comes to breakthroughs, consider asking a trusted ministry leader to spend time coaching you. It could be as informal as a conversation between two pastors over lunch or as formal as a well-planned process consisting of meetings, surveys, and brainstorming sessions facilitated by a trained coach.

If you need help getting started, or would just like to know more about church evaluation and coaching, feel free to reach out to the ministry in which I serve, DiscipleGuide by sending an email to [email protected].

Why Evaluating Your Church is Biblical

As a pastor, I hated the idea of evaluation. It sounded too much like a way to open myself up to needless criticism. After all, who really wants to invite an outsider to tell them what they are doing wrong, add more “to do’s” to their list, or make them feel guilty for what they are not doing? Pastoring is hard enough already. Why invite more frustration?

But what if I were to tell you that evaluation can be a positive experience? Don’t misunderstand. “Positive” does not always translate into “easy.” However, evaluation can be positive in the sense that it can clarify issues, reveal potential, and renew hope.

If you were to overhear a discussion from biblical church evaluation, you might here phrases such as:

  • “This church works hard and endures a lot to keep going, but in the process has lost their passion for people.”
  • “This church has stayed true to doctrinal teaching, yet they are allowing their people to trip over stumbling block”
  • “This church looks busy on the outside, but they are dying on the inside.”
  • “This church is apathetic and needs to decide if they are going to be serious about ministry or not.”

You may be wondering, “is that kind of evaluation biblical?”

As a matter of fact, yes, every one of those evaluation statements are biblical. How can I be so sure? Because they are pulled directly from Revelation 2 and 3 where Christ evaluates the seven churches. Here’s how those statement read in Scripture:

  • “I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance…. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first”
  • “You hold fast my name, and you did not deny my faith… But I have a few things against you: you have some there who hold the teaching of Balaam…”
  • “I know your works. You have the reputation of being alive, but you are dead.”
  • “You are neither cold nor hot. Would that you were either cold or hot!”

In almost every instance, Jesus shared a positive and negative with each church. Then, He gave them a course of action to move forward. For example:

  • “Do the works you did at first.”
  • “Wake up.”
  • “Hold fast.”
  • “Make up your mind whether you are hot or cold.”

Notice, Christ did not try to make each church conform to a “cookie cutter” template. Instead, He addressed them as unique congregations with unique gifts, skills, contexts, and opportunities. His evaluation had the simple goal of helping them to be more faithful and effective in the Kingdom.

Biblical church evaluation aims to help churches be the best church Christ has created them to be. That means that all church evaluation will seek to point out:

  • Things the church is doing well.
  • Places where the church needs to improve.
  • Action steps to help the church move forward.

I believe that every church must consistently evaluate itself. Why? Because according to the example of Revelation 2 and 3, Jesus is already evaluating churches. And He has great expectations for every congregation.

If we really take our responsibility as the body of Christ seriously, shouldn’t we desire to evaluate ourselves regularly to make sure we are being faithful our calling?

I certainly think so. If you’re not convinced, I’m asking you to evaluate the idea!

Can You Reclaim Purity?

I’ve heard of brides who refuse to wear a white dress to their wedding because of events in their past. They feel unworthy and tainted.

I imagine we all understand that feeling to some extent. After all, God often refers to his people as a “bride.” What a strong word picture. “Bride” implies that God loves, honors, supports, and provides for us.

Bride also has implications for us. Namely, commitment. To enter into the covenant of marriage means to “forsake all others.” And in the time of engagement, you reserve yourself for that person alone.

Paul uses the concept to describe the commitment to purity we should have before God.

“For I feel a divine jealousy for you, since I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ” (2 Corinthians 11:2).

The phrase “pure virgin to Christ” may cause you to shutter. Perhaps you have a past that seems impossible to leave behind. Maybe certain sins in your life seem too powerful to overcome. I suppose, for all of us, the idea of being a “pure virgin” seems impossible.

But thankfully, “with God, all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26) -including reclaiming your purity.

In Psalm 51, after David had committed the despicable sin of adultery, He prayed, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10). In the original language, the phrase “Create in me a clean heart” literally means to “revirginate.” That’s right, with God, you can reclaim your spiritual virginity and become as pure as the driven snow (Psalm 51:7).

The cleansing that David was seeking is found in Christ (Ephesians 5:26-27). Ready to be humbled? You cannot be pure toward Christ without being cleansed by Christ!

Much like Hosea remained faithful to Gomer, even though she was a harlot, Christ has loved us with an unfailing, non-conditional love. But, unlike Hosea, Christ takes it one step further: He actually transforms us from harlotry to holiness!

During our engagement period on earth, we eagerly anticipate the day we will be with the one who loves us completely -and wear garments of white without embarrassment!

 

He Speaks Our Language Too

It was a missionary legend I had heard growing up. You know the kind, right? Every time you hear the story, it changes depending on who is telling it.

After a while, you know it really happened, but you’re just not sure how it happened.

I knew that Missionary David Dickson had been involved in reaching Garifuna people of Honduras, but I just didn’t know all of the details. So, I was thrilled when I had the opportunity to sit down with David and hear some of the story.

He and his family had moved to Honduras to work alongside another missionary. One day, as David’s family spent time together at the coast, he noticed a couple of young boys speaking a language he didn’t understand. It wasn’t Spanish or English. He asked them (in Spanish) what they were speaking and they replied, “Garifuna.” Through their conversation, David learned that a large community of Garifuna people lived nearby.

That same day, David and his family explored the Garifuna village. Before long, David was working among the people to start a work there. However, learning the language proved difficult. He had hit a wall and needed help.

One day, he found out that a man in the village had a book in the Garifuna language. That was strange because a written language did not exist at that time.

When the man shared the book with David, he realized that it was a translation of the book of John produced through a ministry in Guatemala.

Soon, David found himself visiting the ministry in Guatemala City and inquiring about the publication. The ministry was the Latin American branch of Wycliffe Bible Translators. Before his visit ended that day, David met the lady who had translated the book of John. She had created the written language and begun translating the Bible into it.

Over time, the lady taught David the language as she continued translating. Eventually, she finished the entire New Testament in Garifuna. David had the privilege of helping the people learn their own language in written form and then present God’s Word to them in their language.

Eventually, David worked alongside the producers of the Jesus Film to put the movie in the Garifuna language. He recalled the night that they first showed the film to the Garifuna people. The first line Jesus spoke in the film was translated into a phrase unique to the Garifuna. David said he saw the surprise on the peoples’ faces as they said, “He speaks our language, too!”

Isn’t that a great description of Christ’s coming to earth? The Eternal Word became the Word made flesh so that He might speak the human language. The gospel came not only through Christ’s words, but also in Himself. We call it the incarnation.

Now, beleivers carry the gospel in the flesh in order to speak the language of the people that they might know Christ.

Praise God He speaks our language!

Hidden and Revealed

The words were projected on a video screen, but that didn’t help. I was trying to sing along, but my brain was having trouble pronouncing the Spanish words and staying on tune at the same time.

I was visiting a Spanish congregation and loving every minute of it. Multi-ethnic worship always makes me think I am experiencing a taste of heaven –even if I don’t understand the words.

Every once and a while, however, I saw a word or phrase I recognized. Sometimes I could piece together the message of the song. It was like a code was being unlocked before my eyes.

It reminds me of Jesus’ words to Peter in Matthew 16:17: “For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my Father who is in heaven.”

Jesus made it clear to Peter that the unlocking of His mind was performed by the work of God –not His own wisdom.

This illumination of the Spirit has nothing to do with language translation. Jesus was pointing out that just because someone intellectually understands the words of Scripture, it doesn’t mean they have Spiritually received the message. In this way, the power of the Gospel cannot be stolen, manipulated or marketed. Sure, people have tried. They distort scripture, sell an experience, or con follower with the words of Scripture. But they can never steal the power of the Holy Spirit illuminating the Word of God in a human heart.