She Still Encourages My Faith

Jill wrote this in her journal on her 34^th birthday. Two years earlier we had suffered a miscarriage. Eight and a half months later, Bryce was born.

Eleven and a half months later, Jill went home to be with the Lord.

12-20-07

God, You who are mighty have done great things for me –and holy is your name!!! God you have given us another baby –I’m pregnant!!! I haven’t told anyone yet –not even Scott! I can’t quit crying!! Crying w/ Laughter, and unfortunately w/ fear too.

God, this baby may not be ours to hold either. Your will –not mine. Your will –not Scott’s. Why can’t I quite crying? I laugh –I cry. I cry –I cry harder. (Am I going to be crazy like this the whole time?) God here is my prayer:

Let me be a humble servant of you, a faithful and encouraging wife to Scott, and a God-honoring and loving mother to this baby (and all the babies you give us) all the days of my life, Scott’s life and this baby’s life.

Little did Jill know that her faith in God’s provision after losing a baby would inspire my faith in God’s provision after losing her.

One day, I can’t wait for Bryce to read his mother’s meditations and prayers on his behalf. She loved him from before he entered this world and she continues to love him after she has left this world.

Praise God for a legacy of faith that did not depend upon her will, but God’s will.