Sermon Decoder

Here’s a quick attempt to pull the curtain back on the mystery of preaching. Hope you laugh a little.

There are a few phrases that seem to emerge in everyone’s sermons from time to time. In case you were wondering what those phrases REALLY mean, here’s a reference guide:

• “In the original languages” usually means, “My sermon will only work if this phrase means…”
• “I have a burden for this message” usually means, “The sermon I listened to online last night got me fired up.”
• “I had another sermon prepared, but God led me to this” usually means, “If the game hadn’t gone into triple overtime yesterday I could have studied more.”
• “Let’s share our testimonies” usually means the game went into 4+ overtimes!
• “The problem with our society today” usually means, “I didn’t have time to think of a real specific example.”
• “True story” usually means, “My other stories utilize pastoral license.”
• “Everyone needs to be back tonight” usually means, “If I have to get up from my nap –you should to.”
• (After the song service) “I don’t even have to preach after that great singing” usually means, “I know this sermon is a dud and I wish I really didn’t have to preach now.”
• “Some of you have been asking” usually means “One of the deacons has been pestering me about this.”
• “In conclusion” usually means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.