How many times have you heard someone say to a photographer, “Make sure you get my good side!” Personally, I don’t even know if I have a “good side” or not. But I totally understand the desire to be seen in the most positive way possible –especially when it comes to photos (they tend to last).
Most pastors feel the pressure to constantly show their “good side.” I’ve known some pastors who have refused to dress sloppily when mowing the yard just in case a church member drives by.
This is bad for at least three reasons:
1) The pastor is stressed out from always trying to portray a flawless image
2) The pastor never feels that he can fully “be himself” –even around family
3) The pastor begins living in a “works based” performance trap (which totally denies the gospel message)
If this goes on for a long time, the congregation begins to believe that the pastor is perfect and never needs a break. Many congregations forget that their pastor is human. This leads them to have enormous, overwhelming expectations of their pastors such as:
1) The pastor must be at every function of the church
2) The pastor must be present for every surgery (even for bunion removals)
3) The pastor must be available at all times for all people for any need
Such expectations have led many pastors to feel guilty for taking vacation or turning off their cell phones for a “date night” with their wife. As a result, the pressure to always be available (showing their “good side”) is a major source of pastoral burnout.
The sad irony is that when pastors begin showing signs of burnout, many congregations get frustrated and demand changes from the pastor rather than contemplating changes in their expectations.
The good news is that you can be pro-active in helping your pastor avoid pastoral burnout. The concept is simple: give your pastor opportunities to enjoy being himself without the pressure to perform. Here’s a few ideas that are perfect project for Sunday school classes, deacon boards, and Bible study groups to organize to help counteract the “pastoral good side” performance trap:
1) Plan a date night for your pastor. Give him a gift certificate to a local restaurant and insist on keeping his kids (you might even offer overnight babysitting). Tell him to leave the cell phone at home and enjoy! Consider announcing to the church “Pastor Bill will be unavailable Friday night and all day Saturday. If you need anything during that time, please call Deacon Joe.”
2) Present your pastor with tickets to a ball game and cash for concessions. Consider providing overnight accommodations and gas cards.
3) Offer your pastor some extra time off this year. Organize church leaders to make visits and attend to issues in his absence. Let him know your desire to help him escape the unfair pressures of pastoring.
4) Never underestimate the power of a kind word. Because of the constant pressure to perform, pastors naturally worry about how they “measure up” in everyone’s eyes. The smallest compliment or word of encouragement can do wonders to set his mind at ease. Consider pulling him aside or writing a card to express your confidence in him. It may seem small to you, but it will be huge to him.
When you proactively give your pastor opportunities to escape the performance pressure, who knows what might happen. You might just see more of his “good side!”