Road Trip: Magnolia, AR

College View Baptist Church in Magnolia, AR has a special place in my heart. My grandparents were long-time members of the congregation. I have so many great memories of sitting beside them on their favorite pew when our family visited.

It was a joy, then, to see familiar faces as I recently visited College View. I arrived early enough to sit in on one of the congregation’s four DiscipleWay classes. It was encouraging to see men who had been following Christ for decades still passionate about studying the Word of God and passing it down to “faithful men who would teachers others also” (2 Tim 2:2).

I enjoyed hearing pastor Mike Silvey preach during the evening service. He and minister of youth and education, Aaron Middleton make a grew team.

During the service, it was exciting to see a young girl make a public profession of faith in Christ during the service! Afterwards, Bro. Mike shared with me his heart for seeing biblical discipleship take place within their fellowship of believers. And if the things I witnessed that evening are any indication, College View is on the right track.

Aren’t You Forgetting Something?

It may be the most creative question in the history of the world. Out of the blue, with no warning whatsoever, my son loves to ask, “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Then he loves to wait in silence to see if I can guess from the 43 billion possible things his overactive five-year-old brain is thinking about!

It makes me laugh -until it’s the fifth time he asks while I am trying to concentrate on reading the paper. Then, it starts to wear on me.

It’s in those moments (and a million like them) that I wonder what it would be like if my wife, Jill, were still alive. She was so good with children –and much more patient than I.

When I talk to friends about it, they say that when he gets a little older we will have more in common and it will be easier to have meaningful conversations. While that sounds great, I have a fear that if I don’t have quality dialogue with Bryce now, he may not feel comfortable sharing openly with me later.

It causes me to wonder what kind of conversations Jill would have with him.

As curious as I am about the “what if’s,” it doesn’t change reality: I am a single dad. I didn’t pray for it, plan for it, or prepare for it. However, nothing about my situation came as a surprise to God.

My Heavenly Father was not surprised when my wife passed away. He didn’t panic and say, “I don’t know if Scott will be ready for this.” Instead, through His Word, He says, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).

God’s grace is my only hope for being a good parent. I know that in all my failures, God is faithful. Likewise, because of God’s sufficiency, my son never has to suffer because of my insufficiency –even in conversation!

Stepping back, I imagine that I approach God a lot like my son approaches me –with random, incoherent ramblings. However, God never lets my inadequate communication with Him discourage His faithful communication to me through the Word. And that’s a great example for me to remember.

So the next time it seems like conversation with my son is too difficult, I’ll just ask myself, “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Don’t Hesitate to Ask

Before a church calls a new pastor, they will spend time interviewing him. The logistics vary from church to church, but eventually the pastoral candidate will find himself sitting with a search team, personnel committee, deacon body, or something similar.

Without fail, the representatives of the church will have important questions for the candidate. But what about the candidate? Shouldn’t he have questions prepared as well? Absolutely.

If you are preparing to be interviewed by a church, remember:

1)    You can only get answers to the questions you ask (they can’t read your mind).

2)    The church will actually appreciate the fact that you were thoughtful enough to prepare. Many times, what you ask communicates more than what you say.

3)    Asking questions is a form of serving the church because it helps both parties determine if the arrangement is a good “fit.” (It’s better to find out before making a commitment.)

Don’t be afraid that the church will see your question as “self-serving” or “questioning” the validity of their current practices. It’s ok to say, “I’m not sure I would be comfortable with ____,” or “If I came, would I be allowed to change ______?” Many churches have hired pastors only to wish he would have asked such questions before they hired him.

Which leads to another issue. Don’t be afraid to ask questions because you think that this will be the only offer you ever have to pastor. Such thinking portrays a very low view of God’s sovereignty. Instead, remember that God created you with a unique set of gifts and skills, which are better suited in certain settings rather than others. Show your confidence in God’s design for you and respect the church enough to be upfront.

The last thing you want to do is begin pastoring with unanswered questions –that’s just trouble waiting to happen.

So here are some questions to consider asking during a church interview. There are plenty more to ask depending upon your situation:

1)    How committed will your church be to my personal family time?

2)    What will be expected of my family?

3)    What kind of decisions do you expect the pastor to make without consulting the congregation?

4)    What do you believe are the duties of the pastor?

5)    May I see a copy of the past year’s business meeting minutes?

6)    May I review the church financials?

7)    Why did the past 2-3 pastors leave?

These are just a few ideas. I’m curious, what questions would you add?

Be Still My Soul

Over the past two weeks of corporate worship services, my church has sung, “Be Still My Soul.”

I don’t know when I first heard the song, but I’m sure it was early on in my youth. However, I do remember the first time it grabbed my attention: (don’t laugh) it was during an episode of the tv/spy show Alias. Jill and I used to stay up late watching episodes on DVD (before Netflix started streaming video).

Alias was famous for its musical interludes, which Jill and I loved. So when we both recognized the old hymn we downloaded the version from the show to our ipds (no iPhones yet). As we would play the song over and over, the lyrics became more and more sobering. Before long, it became one of our favorite hymns.

When we were preparing for Jill’s funeral, there was no doubt about it: We had to have someone sing, “Be Still My Soul.”

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart,
And all is darkened in the vale of tears,
Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart,
Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.
Be still, my soul: thy Jesus can repay
From His own fullness all He takes away.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessèd we shall meet at last.

Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing, to Thy Lord on high;
Acknowledge Him in all thy words and ways,
So shall He view thee with a well pleased eye.
Be still, my soul: the Sun of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.

Here’s the version Jill & I loved from the Alias TV show. Here’s a new version by Kari Jobe.

 

Major League Qualifications

I remember a few years ago when a major league baseball player was fined by his team for statements that he made in public. Radio talk shows discussed the matter for several days. Some callers ranted about the right to free speech while others pointed out the employer’s right to set rules for his employee’s behavior.

My favorite caller made a statement like this (paraphrase), “I’m not much of an athlete, but I’m pretty sure I could hold my tongue for the salary of a major league pitcher.” Listening to his comments on the radio that day, I remember saying to myself, “Exactly.”

Later, several of my pastor friends and I laughed at the thought of one of us making inappropriate statements from the pulpit under the guise of the “right to free speech.” However, much like the caller on the radio, we are more than happy to hold our tongue (and watch our lives) for the privilege of serving as pastors.

The pastorate has clearer qualifications and standards than any other profession imaginable.

I Timothy 3:2-7 and Titus 1:6-9 give details of these pastoral standards and qualifications. Here’s a breakdown:

  • Above Reproach (I Timothy 3:2, Titus 1:6)
  • The Husband of One Wife (I Timothy 3:2, Titus 1:6) *See Addendum 1
  • Sober-Minded (I Timothy 3:2)
  • Self-Controlled (I Timothy 3:2, Titus 1:8)
  • Respectable (I Timothy 3:2)
  • Hospitable (I Timothy 3:2)
  • Able to Teach (I Timothy 3:2)
  • Not a Drunkard (I Timothy 3:3, Titus 1:7)
  • Not Violent (I Timothy 3:3, Titus 1:7)
  • Gentle (I Timothy 3:3)
  • Not Quarrelsome (I Timothy 3:3)
  • Not a Lover of Money (I Timothy 3:3, Titus 1:7)
  • Manages His Household Well (I Timothy 3:4)
  • Keeps His Children Submissive (I Timothy 3:4)
  • Children are Believers -Not Open to Charge of Debauchery or Insubordination (Titus 1:6) * See Addendum 2
  • Not a Recent Convert (I Timothy 3:6)
  • Well Thought of By Outsiders (I Timothy 3:6)
  • Not Arrogant (Titus 1:7)
  • Not Quick-Tempered (Titus 1:7)
  • Hospitable (Titus 1:8)
  • A Lover of Good (Titus 1:8)
  • Upright (Titus 1:8)
  • Holy (Titus 1:8)
  • Disciplined (Titus 1:8)
  • Hold Firm to the Trustworthy Word as Taught so that He may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it. (Titus 1:9)

This list identifies key competencies, behaviors, gifts, and character traits that a pastor must possess. These standards do not mean that a pastor has “arrived” as a Christian. Instead, they indicate that He is “arriving.”

In other words, all of the qualifications relate to sanctification. This is a vital component for any pastor because it means he is has been justified by grace through faith in Christ Jesus. He is a sinner made righteous in Christ alone. His continual growth in Christ is an example to the congregation.

Some of the biblical qualifications for a pastor describe gifts or skills bestowed by God. (ie, Pastors must be apt to teach). What we generally refer to as a “call to pastor” is made up greatly by a man’s gifting and desires (I Timothy 3:1) given by God.

Finally, other qualifications speak to the pastor’s reputation. (ie. He must be well thought of by outsiders). The reputation of the pastor is a crucial issue because His role reflects the person of Christ and because his role is only as effective as the degree to which his congregation trusts him.

Although a “morality clause” in a major league baseball contract may include more words than the text of 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1, it certainly does not carry more weight.

The qualifications for a pastor serve to 1) honor Christ, 2) maintain a level of competency within the church’s leadership, and 3) guard the trust of the congregation. While “freedom of speech” may not apply to the pastorate, the qualifications of role protect the integrity and reputation of a greater message: Freedom in Christ.

Maybe you’re thinking, “wow, pastoring is NOT for everybody.” I think the apostle Paul (who wrote I Timothy 3 and Titus 1) would reply “exactly.”

Road Trip: Chicagoland, IL

It was great to recently spend time with Rob Hager, pastor of Jacob’s Well Baptist Church of Oswego, IL. Although I didn’t get to visit his church (I’m looking forward to preaching there soon), we had a great time discussing some of the ways God is using the Jacob’s Well congregation to reach the community.

Rob’s heart is for discipleship. He meets regularly with 4-5 men in the church for Bible study and life-on-life ministry. One of the men Rob has invested in is getting ready to launch his own discipleship group. It was exciting to hear how God is multiplying disciples!

Rob’s wife Christy leads the children’s ministry of the church. Christy’s experience as a children’s ministry trainer for Group publishing has been an asset for Jacob’s Well. She employs creative teaching methods to help children retain what they learn for life.  Rob explained how some parents had first visited their church because their children came home on a Sunday afternoon sharing what they had learned in Sunday School. What a blessing!

Every summer, the church participates in the Yorkville county fair by providing free water bottles and a diaper changing tent. Rob explained that the motivation is first of all to love their neighbor as Christ commands. At the same time, the fair has become a great way to meet new people in the community and share about Christ and the church.

Jacob’s Well began as a church plant six years ago. One of my favorite things about their congregation is the heart they have for other church plants. In fact, they are planning to send a team to Nixa, Missouri to support a church planting team in the near future.

Pray for Rob, Christy, and the entire congregation of Jacob’s Well.

 

Pastoral Search? Take Your Time!

Selecting a new pastor can be difficult. For many churches, the search committee feels lost because the spiritual leader (former pastor) has left and now they have big shoes to fill. Unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of “how to select a new pastor” training programs out there.

If there were one piece of advice I would give any church regarding selecting a new pastor, it would be to take your time. Why?

1)   The role of pastor is not to be taken lightly. Hebrews 13:17 reveals that the pastor is one who will keep “a watch on your soul… as [one] who will have to give an account.” To be honest, if any man is willing to rush into this role, he probably isn’t feeling the weight of the matter fully.

Consider spending extended periods of time in prayer before approaching a prospect. Ask God to give your congregation and search committee wisdom and direction.

Try to avoid asking the congregation to vote on a new pastor based upon one sermon and a short q&a session. Consider asking the prospect to spend extended time over several weeks with different groups in the congregation if possible so that everyone knows the person behind the pulpit. Church members need to observe his character, discuss his theological positions, and understand his personality, gifts, talents, weaknesses, and strengths. He should be able to discuss his philosophy of ministry, understanding of discipleship, views on education, ideas about the role of pastor, and views on church structure and authority (among other things).

2)   The next pastor will influence your church’s direction. Your former pastor most likely set a new direction or continued an existing direction for your church. Whether the congregation desires to continue that direction or to change is vital to selecting a new pastor. This needs to be settled before searching for a prospect. A church without a sense of direction is unlikely to find a pastor who is a good fit, because the “fit” has not been defined. This is unfair to everyone –especially the pastoral candidate.

Many times, one bad decision leads to another. For some churches, the last pastor may have left in a sea of controversy because the direction of the church was not considered before he was hired. Rushing to select a new pastor without considering the church’s direction will only repeat (and likely exasperate) this issue.

Other churches never seem to make any progress in their mission because each new pastor brings a new direction, which counteracts (rather than complements) the direction of his predecessors. The result is that the church just keeps moving in circles –never really going anywhere.

Churches should ask themselves, “What kind of community are we set in?” “What are the greatest needs in our church and community?” “How do we want to pursue evangelism and discipleship?” “What are our priorities in ministry?” “What style of leadership are we comfortable/not comfortable with?”

3)   Your congregation needs time to process. In any job, it’s usually difficult to fill the shoes of a predecessor because of outside expectations left over from the past person. For this reason, the congregation needs time to clear up expectations, re-think priorities, and define its identity apart from the former pastor. This will save everyone heartache and difficulties. In many instances,  an “intentional interim” is a great way to facilitate this process. When possible, utilizing existing leaders to fulfill the former pastor’s roles for a season is very beneficial.

4)   Your existing leaders have an opportunity to grow. Many churches grow spiritually when without a pastor due to the new responsibilities some leaders face. Unfortunately, sometimes those leaders give the responsibilities back when the new pastor arrives! The greatest way to develop leaders in your church is to give them opportunities to minister. Do you have men who can fill the pulpit? What about members who can visit the hospital?

Many times, the results of such “pitching in” by various individuals in the church creates unprecedented ministry focus and church unity.

5) Jesus is the chief Shepherd of your church. While it may seem scary to “take your time” when selecting a new pastor, don’t forget that Jesus is your “chief Shepherd” (I Peter 5:4). Your in good hands until He send a new leader you way. Until then, take advantage of this opportunity for maturity that Christ has put in front of your Church!

Don’t Try to Parent From “The Cloud”

Do you ever take your work home with you? I do.

I don’t bring work home in the traditional briefcase or backpack. It’s all “in the cloud” now anyway –just waiting for me to pick it up.

Worse than what’s “in the cloud,” however, is what’s in my head. I don’t have to be sitting at a desk or staring at a computer to be consumed with work. I just have to be awake.

The problem is that I have another responsibility after business hours. This responsibility is much greater because it is my responsibility to my son –which is ultimately part of my responsibility to God (Deuteronomy 6:6-9).

Just like fulfilling responsibilities at my job helps me provide for my son’s external needs (food, shelter, clothing, etc) (I Timothy 5:8), fulfilling my responsibilities at home provide for my son’s internal needs (parenting, leadership, discipleship, attention, love) (Proverbs 22:6).

And while there are other people who can provide help to my son in some of these areas, I remind myself daily of one simple truth: I am the only earthly daddy that Bryce has. Nobody else can fill that role but me.

I can be replaced at my job and work will go on as if nothing happened. But, I cannot be replaced as a daddy. It’s my unique responsibility.

The way I father Bryce teaches him about his Heavenly Father. The question is: what is my parenting teaching him about God? I’m not necessarily talking about what I verbalize to Bryce through reading bedtime devotional books or working through his AWANA lesson (although those types of things are valuable).

But the most potent teaching about God is revealed from the way I treat Bryce. Bryce’s view of his Heavenly Father is shaped by my actions, attitudes, and behaviors. Just as Jesus manifest the Father during His earthly ministry; believers in Christ (i.e. Christian parents) are called to manifest God to the world (i.e. our children) by being Christ-like.

That means Bryce develops his understanding of how much God cares for him in part by the way I care for him. And his view of God’s concern and desire for relationship is somewhat shaped by the attention I pay to him as well.

If I desire for my son to trust Christ and have a vibrant relationship with the Father  and to confidently “draw near to the throne of grace” (Hebrews 4:16), then I must have a vibrant relationships with my son and be welcoming when he draws near to me. Not only that, but I have the responsibility to connect the two concepts by bringing my son before God in prayer and study of Scripture.

Here’s the problem: The work I bring home in my head and in “the cloud” are constantly competing for the attention that belongs to my son. I bet you can relate.

Just as Bryce is asking me which crayon color I want to draw with, my brain remembers a phone call I neglected to make that day. And, in the middle of dinner, as I’m having an “aha moment” about the big problem in the office, I realize Bryce has been telling me a story about his big moment at school today –and I can’t remember one detail of what he has said.

Then he says, “Dad, are you listening?” Ouch. That’s a heart breaker.

I can choose to hear that question as an obstacle to my “work” or see it as God reminding me about my more important “work.” I have a choice to make –and its time to get my head out of the cloud!

Recognizing a Single Group

I’m a part of a unique group of people: single parents.

We are a diverse group. Some of us are widowed, others divorced, some have never been married.

Yet, most of us feel similar pressures:

  • To compensate for the absent parent
  • To make sure our children feel “normal”
  • To provide for our children
  • To make time for our children

While those may not seem like major issues to everyone, they can feel overwhelming for most single parents.

I’m very fortunate to have my parents living close by. They care for my son while I am at work. I always know that they are just one phone call away when I’m running late or have a last-second change of plans.

But many of my single parent friends do not have that same luxury.

  • Many single parents pay to drop off their children at daycare on their way to class themselves.
  • Other single parents change jobs frequently –not to climb the corporate ladder, but to arrange their schedule to better match their child’s school schedule.
  • Most single parents wake up early and go to bed late to make time for the extra tasks that a spouse would normally cover.

These aren’t just hypotheticals; these are my friends. I applaud them, respect them, and cheer for them!

So, to my friend who lives hundreds of miles away from parents or relatives; yet supports two elementary age children, goes to school full-time, and is actively involved in her church;

And to my friends who are both raising their sons together as they work full-time jobs and “cover” for each other with carpools, house work, and cooking;

And to my friend who had to bring her daughter to work for a couple of hours one day (without the boss knowing) to make the family schedule work;

I say “praise God.” Although you rarely receive recognition, You demonstrate unselfish love and sacrifice through your hard work and commitment. We see Christ reflected when you:

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves” and when you “look not only to [your] own interests, but also to the interests of others. [Having] this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.” (Philippians 2:3-7).

I am honored to call you all my friends, and your children (whether they realize it yet or not) are blessed to call you their parent!

3 Ways Your Church Facilities Communicate “You’re Not Welcome”

Growing up, anytime guests were coming to visit, we would “clean house” to get ready. The more important the guest, the more we cleaned up.

Every church (no matter the size, median age, location, or resources) can quickly communicate a lack of concern for visitors by the way they keep their facilities. Here are three quick ways to display a lack of welcoming hospitality:

1)   Don’t change the message on your sign for weeks on end. This is a real pet-peeve of mine. If you are going to have a message-changing sign (or a website for that matter), keep it current. There’s nothing that screams “nobody cares” more than having your fall festival advertised in December.

2)   Leave up old concert posters doors and walls. Seriously, when the event is over, take them down. This is not your teenage daughter’s “brag wall.” When visitors see that you don’t pay attention to detail, they wonder if you will pay attention to them.

3)   Don’t keep-up your facilities and grounds. When someone in your neighborhood lets their yard go uncut and has UPS packages piled up on their front porch, you typically think they are out of town on vacation. Is that what you want people to think about your church? Keep the lawn trimmed and the facilities straight. Clean out classrooms and straighten up display tables regularly (most churches have so much junk stashed in cabinets, on countertops, and behind furniture that they could fill a few large dumpsters. Typically, members are used to seeing it and can block it out of their minds. But visitors have fresh eyes. Walk around your facilities from a guest’s point of view.

These may seem like trivial (non-theological) issues to many, but its just plain hospitality (which is a biblical issue). If you plan on opening your doors to guests, make sure you’ve at least cleaned up for them! Otherwise, they may think you just don’t care.